Scamble

Because every Nigerian Scammer needs more surrealism

My comments in bold italics.
It starts with a standard email.

FROM: MUGO A.Williams
ADDRESS.04 BP 351 04
Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire

ATTN :DIRECTOR

REQUEST FOR AN ASSISTANCE

It is my pleasure to write you after much
consideration
since I can not be able to see you face to face at
first. Being the first son of my father, late MR.
John Williams from ZULU in Republic of South
Africa
(S.A) I am 21 years of age and my younger sister mary
williams who is 18 years old.

I know this proposal letter may come to you as a
surprise considereing the fact that you have not had
any formal acquaintance before . But all the same I
would want you for the sake of God to give this an
immediate attention in view of the fact that the
security of our living and possession is at stake.

My father was a a limited liability Cocoa Merchant in
South Africa before his untimely death after his
business trip to Abidjan he was assassinated with my
Uncle by unknown assassins. Which my Uncle died
instantly, but my father died after five in the
hospital on that faithful afternoon , I didn't know
that my father was going to leave me after I had lost
my Uncle.
Before he gave up a ghost, it was if he knew he was
going to died. He my father ( may his soul rest in
perfect peace ) he disclosed to me that he made a
deposit a sum of US$15.5 M (FIFTEEN MILLION FIVE
HUNDRED
THOUSAND DOLLARS) in Bank here in Abidjan Cote
d'Ivoire .

That the money was meant from cocoa business he wanted
to invest in Abidjan , Cote d'Ivoire. Through
according to my late father he deposited the money
with Bank in Abidjan, but he single handed me
all the relelvant documents and instructed me to seek
for a life time investment abroad. Now I have
succeeded in locating the bank in Abidjan, Cote
d'Ivoire and also confirmed the deposit funds with
most honesty and confidentiality.

Sir we wish to you can help us in the following
regards

a)To provide us with a good account to transfer the
money into.

b)To help invest the money into a lucrative business.

c)To assist my sister mary get a college admission to
further her education and finally.

d)To assist us in getting residential permits for
formal and comfortable stay in your country after the
money must have been transferred into the account you
will provide.

Now I am solicting for your assistance to help me lift
this money out from Abidjan to your account abroad so
then we should invest it in any lucrative business in
your country.
Because this is my only hope in life.

Please kindly contact me through the above e-mail
address immediately for more discussion.
Remember the confidentiality of this transaction.

Thanks for your kind attention and mutual
understanding.

Best regards,

MUGO A.Williams

My goal is to create a reply that LOOKS like it makes sense, but just doesn't. My initial response:

Hello Mugo.

This sounds like an interesting offer. This appears to be an insatiable path
to a great deal of multitudinous benefits. Details yet to be forthcoming, I
would like to beseech you to be forthcoming with the details hereforthwith
proposed as per your communication under some inspection. Would you consider
a transactional arrangement where for the investitude of the relationship
would rely soley on a 3rd party mentioned hereforth (in the greatest of
confidence of course) without disclosing the details to aforementioned 3rd
party?

I do hope that the time will come soon when things of this nature are simply
transposed into the those of the nature we have discussed.

Regards,

Mark

I get a fairly standard response, probably a template.

Dear Mark
Thank you for taking your time to go through my mail
and replying same to me.I have the full confidence
that you should offer us this assistance in this time
of need and also I believe that you will not betray
the trust and confidence we are to repose on you now.
I trusted you and I will like you to handle the
transfer with carefullness and confidentiality both
with your 3rd party.
Now,I need the followings from you.I want your banking
details including your phone number for onward
submittion to my late father's bank appoint you as the
foreign beneficary of the money deposited by my father
and instruct the bank to transfer the money into your
account for the investment purposes in yor country.
When the money is been transferred, we have to come
,live and establish with you for the mutuall benefits
of both families and my younger sister will continue
her education.
Looking forward to hear from you.
Thank and God bless
MUGO

I attempt more confusion - but then ask him to reply to my question, putting him on the spot. I wonder, how much time did he spend trying to understand this?

Dear Mugo,

Many illeterations be to you and forwarded from here upon your family.

I am appreciative of the meaningful duopoly that the saints have been
fortunate enough to entwine with the secondary clause we earlier discussed.
In regards to the bank details, the interpretative nature of international
trade and incumbent relationships which you have dwelled on previously
shall, toward the evening, become a fuller meaning and personified object.
These problems are, as you can plainly see, inescapable via whatever form of
transcription you (in full confidentiality, of course) should choose to
partake willingly in.

Please get back to me soon with the answer to this question in order for us
to proceed with this transaction.

Vertebrately,

Mark

Ok, I've got him going. He doesn't understand (of course) so asks for clarification:

Dear Mark,
Thanks for your urgent response.
Please, I want you to specified your question so that
I will answer you correctly for onward proceedings.
I haven't done any international business before in my
life and you been enlightened engaging in some
business relationship with people,I feel, choosen you
to direct me when the money is been transferred in
your account for any lucrative business investment is
appreciable.
Hope to receive a positive answer from you.

MUGO WILLIAMS

This should make things much clearer - not.

Hello Mugo.

My internals lept positively upon receiving your response.

International business is presenting a range of positioning appropriate for
the many, but with the aid of electronic utensils, also the for the less
whispering types amongst us. In regards to my question, this has been stated
in my earlier communication. I will restate it more concisely here. The
transaction hereforthwith proposed unto being the exchange of values between
the (confidentially managed, of course) parties between us, shall it be
known to be a valued transaction as between these parties, or shall it be
undermining the managed status of the 3rd party previously mentioned?

I look forward to receiving your positive response.

Mark

His response is inspired. Basically he is saying "I don't understand what you are saying, but the answer is "yes". He wants my money badly :)

DEAR MARK
I will answer your question by indicating my
willingness and trust to handle the transaction over
to you because I can't be able to do it by
myself.Whether 3rd party or not,those resposible to
assist me transfer the money out of the country will
be giving 15% of the total sum for their
assistance.The rest of the money will be invested in
any profitable business of your choice as you been my
adviser.This question you asked me wouldn't be a
problem rather trust and confidentiality matters in
anything we are doing.

Thanks
MUGO A.WILLIAMS

I was tardy in responding to him.

Dear Mark,

I waiting to hear from you so that we shall know the
next step to follow.
I await your urgent response.

MUGO

Time to change his name and crank up the surreal level a notch

Dearest Hugo,

Blinding promises be unto you, your livestock and those who share your slippers.

I must humbly ask for forgiveness in my delay answering you, as I was out of town on an important mission. Now that the rebels have been crushed, and the squid is back to normal, we may resume our business.

As a man of great experience in international business, I must assure you that the next step is vital in order for our transaction to be vital. What I require from you is the following:

I require you to fax your full details, including your phone number and a copy of your passport through to fax #202-406-5031. This will allow me to personally converse with the time keepers in the office of the professional careerists (AKA "The Pink Flamingo"). The "flamingo" will be able to discuss this deal with me and underwrite the transaction based in part on your integrity, honesty and personal hygiene.

Send my regards to Mary and notify her of the soon-to-be new found status of her turning, as we have laid around her in so many circles as discussed in our last transaction.

Interpretationally yours,

Mark

He is impatient

Dear Mark
Good morning sir,I am waiting to hear from you for onward transfer of
our money into your account for investment purposes.
I sent you email last two days but no answer from you.
I await your prompt reply.
MUGO

Why I'm not good at traditional scam baiting.... low boredom threshold. Time to get very silly, assuming (correctly) he won't respond.

Hi Jenny.

I have had more trouble from the squid, the name of which must never be spoken. I will contact you soon.

Regards,

Mugo

No more responses.