Scamble

Because every Nigerian Scammer needs more surrealism

Simon the Elephant

Rita/Mbutu/Jenny (current Dec 05)

Mugo & the Pink Flamingo (long)

One liners

Jelly & the light bulb

ABBA

Wicked Wendy

Nwa and the Elephant Called Simon

I was sitting at home minding my own business on a Saturday night, when suddenly a request pops up on Skype. Odd. Who is this? I accept the contact request and start chatting.

Fortunately the chat was pretty slow - I actually built an entire website while we were chatting! So although my work was slow it wasn't a complete waste of my time. Was a complete waste of his though!

I start off playing dumb, buttering him up a bit, setting myself up as rich, dumb and naive. That bit is a bit boring, but necessary to get him on the hook. The first silliness starts at around 9:27:14 PM (so skip to there if you want), and gets progressively sillier. Too silly too soon and you lose them. As always, eventually got bored. My comments in (round brackets)

[8:46:20 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: hello? 
[8:46:20 PM] Mark: Mark has shared contact details with CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS.
[8:46:28 PM] Mark: hi....?
[8:47:01 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am barrister nwa chi
[8:47:18 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am a lawyer from benin republic
[8:47:23 PM] Mark: ok
[8:47:30 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: nice to meet you
[8:47:39 PM] Mark: hi
[8:47:48 PM] Mark: Nwa Chi is your name?
[8:47:57 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[8:48:39 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am here searching for the family of my late client and 
i just meet you
[8:48:58 PM] Mark: Ok
[8:49:01 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: my late client from germany
[8:49:34 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: can we make good friends?
[8:49:46 PM] Mark: Maybe
[8:49:56 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yea
[8:50:22 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: so what do you do as business?
[8:50:50 PM] Mark: I run a large marketing company
[8:51:24 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok, that is good
[8:51:55 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am a lawyer and also have a mining company
[8:52:08 PM] Mark: great. Mining company is in Benin?
[8:52:34 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes, we work as agent
[8:52:44 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: to buyer
[8:52:53 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: gold and diamonds
[8:53:15 PM] Mark: Sounds like you know what you are doing
[8:53:26 PM] Mark: Difficult business
[8:53:47 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes, but have much money
[8:54:11 PM] Mark: Great
[8:54:16 PM] Mark: Me too ;)
[8:54:23 PM] *** CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS sent my pic.JPG ***

[8:55:39 PM] Mark: You are a VERY handsome man Nwa.
[8:55:52 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: thanks
[8:55:57 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: and you too
[8:58:35 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i will give you my private skype then you add me
[8:59:02 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: maybe we can make business if you want
[8:59:11 PM] Mark: Depends what sort of business
[8:59:22 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: if you can get gold buyer from you area
[8:59:37 PM] Mark: I have been talking to some of my competitors about buying them out
[8:59:44 PM] Mark: But can't find a company which I think is good enough
[9:00:17 PM] Mark: Most of them are small companies, and they only want $500,000 - $1,000,000 
to sell out. Too small.
[9:00:27 PM] Mark: What's wrong with this skype?
[9:01:11 PM] Mark: My lawyer does the valuations for me. I don't really understand how it 
works. I just trust him.
[9:01:19 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: notting but not on all the time
[9:01:56 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: how many kilos do the companies needs?
[9:02:19 PM] Mark: Well they are marketing companies, I dont know much about gold. But I do 
know its a good business to be in.
[9:02:35 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i have my good friend his names are DR MARK FAVOUR
[9:04:16 PM] Mark: Ok
[9:04:22 PM] Mark: A Doctor is good
[9:04:34 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: with 1.000.000 dollars you can buy many gold
[9:04:42 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[9:04:51 PM] Mark: I thought you would need more than $1m?
[9:04:51 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: very good
[9:05:02 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: no
[9:05:12 PM] Mark: Oh that's pretty easy then
[9:05:37 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: 1m is what they will need for the exporting of the gold
[9:05:51 PM] Mark: That sounds cheap?
[9:06:17 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then after the final assay report the buyer can selle and 
pay the seller
[9:06:27 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: listen
[9:07:01 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: the gold is 23,000 dollars per a kilo
[9:07:31 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then the seller have 500 kilos
[9:07:42 PM] Mark: Ok
[9:07:53 PM] Mark: What is the minimum? More or less than 500kg?
[9:08:45 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: but the buyer will pay upfront 1.000.000 for the export 
expainses of the gold to the 
buyers country airport or refinery
[9:08:58 PM] Mark: $1,000,000 for expenses?
[9:09:42 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes, but it will be dedect from the sellers fund before payment
[9:10:06 PM] Mark: So if I were to spend $1m, how much would go to gold and how much to fees?
[9:10:22 PM] Mark: More than 15% in fees would seem like a lot?
[9:10:46 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: you know you will have to pay for taxes issurance transportation
and legal documents 
from minister of mining
[9:11:08 PM] Mark: Of course
[9:11:37 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: that is not yours
[9:11:51 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: it from the account of the seller
[9:11:55 PM] Mark: Ok
[9:12:48 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: you will dedect the 15% after assay report and pay him the 
balance
[9:13:28 PM] Mark: How much are the fees?
[9:13:53 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: no fees
[9:14:29 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: all the fees will be paid by the seller and ship the gold to 
the buyer
[9:14:44 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: that is what the 15% is for
[9:15:06 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: they can take 15% or 10%
[9:15:29 PM] Mark: Ok
[9:15:54 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: the buyer can come down and see all the action
[9:16:09 PM] Mark: To Benin?
[9:16:43 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: as we always like the buyer to come down so that the buyer 
will see all and confirm it all
[9:16:53 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes Benin
[9:16:56 PM] Mark: Ok
[9:17:00 PM] Mark: That makes sense
[9:17:25 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: but if the buyer cannot come because of one thing or other
[9:17:33 PM] Mark: I wonder how much a plane ticket is to benin.... I think business class would 
probably only be $8,000 or 
something.
[9:17:42 PM] Mark: It's the time though
[9:17:46 PM] Mark: Long trip, out of the office
[9:18:42 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: this can only take 4 to 5 working days
[9:18:49 PM] Mark: Hmmmmm
[9:18:53 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[9:19:01 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: it not hard
[9:19:01 PM] Mark: Is there another option?
[9:19:15 PM] Mark: Perhaps have a lawyer in Benin visit?
[9:19:52 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: buyer can transfer the 15% to the sellers account
[9:20:41 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then we as the agent will get the money from the seller and 
make all the shipping cost and 
ship the gold by air france
[9:21:40 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: give me your email
[9:22:28 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i will call DR MARK FAVOUR and get the FCO from him and send 
to you
(remember this - FCO)
[9:22:57 PM] Mark: FCO?
[9:23:03 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[9:23:04 PM] Mark: Who is Dr Mark Favour?
[9:23:07 PM] Mark: What is an FCO?
[9:23:17 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: the seller
[9:23:26 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: the owner of the gold
[9:23:43 PM] Mark: So does he own the mine? Or a distributor?
[9:23:44 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he have 2000 kilos in storck
[9:23:55 PM] Mark: Is that all? Can he get more if I want it?
[9:24:05 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: but he can selle 500 kilos to buyer
[9:24:42 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he own the mine in burkina faso and in ghana
[9:25:01 PM] Mark: Oh I've always wanted to visit Burkina Faso
(this is actually true. Well, except always. For a few years)
[9:25:29 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: and he have many local miners from all country here in 
west africa
[9:25:43 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: really?
[9:25:50 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he have mine there
[9:25:58 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: you can come
[9:26:44 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: it will be good if you come in burkina faso or here in 
cotonou benin and see the gold
[9:27:14 PM] Mark: It is the busy period at work though, that's the problem
[9:27:34 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok
[9:27:54 PM] Mark: You know what it's like, late february, everyone planning for christmas.
[9:28:03 PM] Mark: Is it the same there?
[9:28:19 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: no
[9:28:50 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: our christmas is 25 december
[9:29:19 PM] Mark: That's strange
[9:29:41 PM] Mark: We have ours on 14 Sundery
[9:29:51 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: are you a chritaine?
[9:30:17 PM] Mark: Yes I am a chritaine.
[9:30:27 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am too
[9:30:38 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: that is good
[9:31:57 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: maybe after the christmas you can come or you make the 
transfer of the 15% then we join the 
seller and take cares of it
[9:32:21 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: you will give us you full details
[9:32:32 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: and company informations
[9:32:32 PM] Mark: 14 Sundery isn't that far away. Do you celebrate anything in Sundery?
[9:33:18 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: easther
[9:33:44 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: the death of christ
[9:34:02 PM] Mark: You celebrate someone dying? He must have been mean.
[9:34:04 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: our lord jesus dead
[9:34:34 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: that remembering his death
[9:35:00 PM] Mark: Oh? Why do you need a day to remember? Do you have a bad memory?
[9:35:22 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he is our lord
[9:35:46 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: we belived on him
[9:35:59 PM] Mark: If he is your Lord, why would you forget? That seems odd
[9:36:10 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: so we remember everything about him
[9:36:48 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: what do you means by seems odd?
[9:37:19 PM] Mark: Well you say he is your Lord, right?
[9:37:30 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[9:37:41 PM] Mark: But you have a special day to remember. Do you forget about it that easily 
that you need a day?
[9:37:44 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: the savour of the hole eath
[9:38:29 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: we have the day he was bone
[9:38:39 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: and the day he dead
[9:39:08 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: 25 december is the day he was bone
[9:39:29 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: eather is the time he was killed
[9:39:59 PM] Mark: So he was only alive for about 4 months, from when he was bone in 
december to easter?
[9:40:13 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: nooooo
[9:40:52 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he live long time before he dead
[9:41:01 PM] Mark: Ok
[9:41:04 PM] Mark: You are very smart Nwa
[9:41:19 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: really?
[9:41:25 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: thanks
[9:47:15 PM] Mark: So what is an FCO? I only know that to stand for Fecal Cleanliness Order. 
I had one of them from the council last year. Wasn't good... is that what an FCO means to you?
(council had to fine me 3 times before I sorted it out to their satisfaction)
[9:50:50 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: listen
[9:51:20 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: FCO is full cooprate offer
[9:51:54 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: that is the fist document that the seller have to give the buyer
[9:52:10 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: to offer him of the selling
[9:53:13 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: and it will carry the seller company informations and the 
quality and quantity of the goods
[9:54:37 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then once the seller send to the buyer with the conditions 
of the transaction
[9:54:48 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then the buyer will sign it
[9:55:17 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: means he have accept the transaction with the conditions
[9:55:38 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: that is  FCO
[9:55:48 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: do you understand it?
[9:56:08 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: NWACHI  LAW  CHAMBERS 
 Address:  C/125 Guinkomey, 
Cotonou – Republic of Benin 
 Tel   :  +229 9674 1822
Email:  nwachilawchambers@yahoo.com
[9:58:39 PM] Mark: What is that address for?
[9:59:23 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: that is my full contacts and adress
[10:02:12 PM] Mark: Yes, so Dr Mark Favour will send me a Fecal Cleanliness Order?
[10:03:52 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[10:04:55 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he will send you the deposite certificate and his 
company documents
[10:05:20 PM] Mark: That's exciting!
[10:06:04 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then the rest of the documents will be send to you after 
the 15% is paid
[10:06:05 PM] Mark: Feels like 13 Sundery, all that exciting anticipation
[10:06:57 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: they will abtain the documents from the minister of mining 
on your names and send you copies
[10:07:36 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then the oreginal copies will come with the gold by air france
[10:08:48 PM] Mark: I have to go to france to pick it up?
[10:09:24 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am whorching the eath quake in new zerland
[10:09:38 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: nooo
[10:10:01 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: the air france is international air plain
[10:10:06 PM] Mark: I am whorching it as well. It's horable.
[10:10:22 PM] Mark: I would prefer something fancy, but will settle for plain I guess
[10:10:43 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: they will bring it to you direct to your country air port or refinery
[10:11:25 PM] Mark: What if the refinery doesn't have a runway?
[10:12:02 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: it depend on you
[10:12:11 PM] Mark: I need to build my own runway?
[10:12:24 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: they will bring it to the adress you will give us
[10:12:31 PM] Mark: Could they drop it out the window of the air fancy/air plain?
[10:12:45 PM] Mark: I need to wear a dress? What sort of person do you think I am?
[10:13:07 PM] Mark: Only Saturday evenings.
[10:13:31 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: listen
[10:13:58 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: they air france will visit your country
[10:14:09 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: they will come with the gold
[10:14:25 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: or another air companies
[10:14:38 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: we have money air companies
[10:16:01 PM] Mark: Are you getting cross with me?
[10:16:01 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: we can chooce one that always visit your country and give them the
gold to deliver to you
[10:17:29 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: what cross?
[10:18:02 PM] *** Missed call from CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS. ***
(not sure what this was about - he tried to make a skype call. I didn't have my mic plugged in).
[10:18:10 PM] Mark: I don't have my nose phones plugged in
[10:18:15 PM] Mark: You seem angry
[10:18:40 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: no
[10:18:43 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am ok
[10:20:17 PM] Mark: Are you sure? Would you like a cuddle?
[10:20:52 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: what is cuddle?
[10:21:21 PM] Mark: A special thing that happens between two men, especially when one is as 
handsome as you.
[10:22:19 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i have never done that before
[10:22:29 PM] Mark: Is it something you have thought about?
[10:22:46 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i have my sex with oposit sex
[10:23:00 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ladies
[10:23:07 PM] Mark: The opposite of ladies?
[10:23:18 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: no
[10:23:23 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i means ladies
[10:23:51 PM] Mark: ladies? That means more than one? You are a player I bet
[10:24:17 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: not player
[10:24:26 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: but like ledies
[10:25:06 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: do you have sex with men?
[10:25:27 PM] Mark: No, but maybe for the right handsome black man...
[10:26:18 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: but not me
[10:27:54 PM] Mark: Of course not! What do you take me for? I'm offended
[10:30:09 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: if you not gold forget it
[10:30:31 PM] Mark: I want gold
[10:30:36 PM] Mark: From Dr Mark Favour
[10:31:23 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then you talk about it, then when we meet maybe we talk about 
you and i?
[10:31:44 PM] Mark: That sounds wonderfultastic
[10:32:55 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: you have my contacts you can contact me when you whant
[10:33:16 PM] Mark: Doesn't dr mark favour need to send me the Fecal Cleanliness Order first?
[10:33:21 PM] Mark: He is the seller, right?
[10:33:49 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[10:33:53 PM] Mark: Ok
[10:34:08 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: give me you email and mobile no
[10:34:30 PM] Mark: What type of Doctor is he? Is he like Dr. Dre?
[10:34:36 PM] Mark: Or Dr Spock?
[10:34:36 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i have called him to send it to me
[10:34:46 PM] Mark: my email is (deleted - a real email I use for gathering spammy stuff)
[10:35:02 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he is Dr in business
[10:35:17 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: let me check if he sent it
[10:35:51 PM] Mark: my mobile number is 22996333683
(this IS a Benin number - of another Benin scammer).
[10:37:31 PM] Mark: I'm glad I have met a trustworthy and handsome lawyer
[10:38:02 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: are you in benin?
[10:38:14 PM] Mark: No, are you?
[10:38:22 PM] Mark: That's an Australian phone number
[10:40:13 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: if you in benin i can come and sex ur ass
(wow, sudden change in sexual orientation!!!)
[10:40:26 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: just give me adress
[10:40:47 PM] Mark: I'm not in benin. I'm in Bendigo. I know they sound similar.
[10:41:36 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: how should i dial you no
[10:41:44 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am trying it
[10:41:56 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: and not the no on skype
[10:42:02 PM] Mark: 011 + 982- 043 + 88 & 22996333683
(totally made up of course, meaningless, trying to confuse him)
[10:42:46 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok
[10:42:54 PM] Mark: Pretty easy
[10:43:24 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok
[10:44:12 PM] Mark: Or you can call +1 (503) 224-4181
(USA FBI Nigerian Scam phone number)
[10:44:34 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: that US
[10:44:45 PM] Mark: yes, I do a lot of business with the US. It routes to me
[10:44:55 PM] Mark: It's a shorter number, thought it might be easier
[10:45:03 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: OK
[10:47:03 PM] Mark: Are you calling me?
[10:47:37 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: I WILL AFTER
[10:49:04 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i have just spoken with dr mark favour
[10:49:44 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he said he is going to send you all the documents and some 
gold pics
[10:49:51 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: now
[10:53:21 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: how old are you?
[10:53:36 PM] Mark: I'm simply wonderful.
[10:53:49 PM] Mark: Oh
[10:53:50 PM] Mark: How old
[10:54:05 PM] Mark: Over here that's an insult to ask that question directly
[10:57:25 PM] Mark: I shall return in a flurry
(I had to attend to something in real life)
[10:58:00 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok
[11:07:16 PM] Mark: Flurry is over
[11:07:59 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: on phone
[11:08:06 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: a moment
[11:08:22 PM] Mark: Is my business not more important than a phone call?
[11:10:50 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i was on phone with dr mark favour
[11:11:20 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he said he has sent the documents with two 
passport copies
[11:11:38 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am seeing them

[11:14:04 PM] Mark: You said he'd send me "some gold pics", right?
[11:14:24 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[11:14:47 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: he sent copies to me too
[11:14:48 PM] Mark: I got photos from him. They are just normal photos. They aren't made of gold.
(I thought this was funny. He missed it totally)
[11:14:52 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: am seeing them
[11:37:32 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok
[11:37:43 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: i have seen them all
[11:38:08 PM] Mark: And?
[11:38:39 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: if you can buy the gold contact him and let him know
[11:39:22 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then you sign the FCO with your copy of passport and send to him 
and copy of the mail to me
[11:39:24 PM] Mark: Did he send the FCO?
[11:39:34 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[11:39:37 PM] Mark: Ok
[11:39:45 PM] Mark: What form does the gold come in?
[11:39:53 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: you will see it in world
[11:40:14 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: dust and stones
[11:40:20 PM] Mark: Hmmmmm
[11:40:38 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes, that is the raw gold
[11:41:04 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then if you need bars you can ask him if he have in bars?
[11:41:28 PM] Mark: Well I didn't want dust or bars
[11:42:08 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: what do you want?
[11:42:19 PM] Mark: Animal shapes
[11:42:40 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok
[11:42:57 PM] Mark: Would prefer giraffes, but I can be flexible.
[11:43:15 PM] Mark: When gold is shaped into animals, I can declare it in customs as novelties and pay less tax
[11:44:11 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok
[11:44:29 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: the goldsmit can do that
[11:44:59 PM] Mark: I would like giraffes, meerkats, flamingos and bunyips.
[11:45:11 PM] Mark: And an elephant called Simon.
[11:45:48 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: do you have the pics of it?
[11:46:02 PM] Mark: The elephant called simon?
[11:46:25 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: all the emages
[11:46:51 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: they will need the pics you want it to be
[11:46:53 PM] *** Mark sent simon.jpg ***
Look at this, this is the elephant

[11:47:14 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: so that they will give it to the goldsmith to do it
[11:48:00 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: that good
[11:48:09 PM] Mark: Did you see the elephant?
[11:48:18 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: they can do it
[11:48:22 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[11:49:59 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: so will you come ?
[11:50:14 PM] Mark: Yes I will meet the Air Plain
[11:51:50 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: is better so you carry the golds with you back
[11:52:06 PM] Mark: DO you think I can take it as carry on luggage on the plane?
(500kg in carry on luggage???)
[11:52:53 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: no
[11:53:13 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: but the same plain can carry you and your gold
[11:53:21 PM] Mark: Why not? 500grams isn't very heavy/
(I'm getting bored and it's getting late, time to start playing. 500kg is now 500grams)
[11:53:39 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: small
[11:53:53 PM] Mark: 500 grams is about the same as a bottle of water
[11:53:54 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: they don,t selle by grams
[11:54:16 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: is not up to one kilo
[11:54:27 PM] Mark: That's right. 500 grams is less than one kilo.
[11:54:30 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: 1000 grams make 1 kilo
[11:54:34 PM] Mark: yes
[11:54:39 PM] Mark: So I only wanted 500 grams.
[11:55:42 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: unless if you can send money to buy if and send to you by DHL
[11:56:03 PM] Mark: How much would 500 grams cost?
[11:56:23 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: 15,000 dollars
[11:56:38 PM] Mark: I haven't got that much.
[11:56:51 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok
[11:57:03 PM] Mark: How about 5 grams?
[11:57:10 PM] Mark: IN the shape of an elephant?
[11:57:14 PM] Mark: But it must be called simon
[11:57:39 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: how much do you have?
[11:58:02 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: then i can see how i can help to get it for you
[11:58:03 PM] Mark: $5.83, and 2 boiled lollies, but they are a little dirty. Oh, and a picture of an 
elephant called simon.
[11:58:54 PM] Mark: How much will that get me?
[11:59:09 PM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: 3grams
[12:01:16 AM] Mark: Is that enough to make an elephant?
[12:01:55 AM] Mark: What if we call the Elephant Ezekiel instead of Simon? Would that help?
(I had a brief network connection error, thus delay and repititon, not sure if my last comments made it)
[12:04:26 AM] Mark: Is that enough to make an elephant?
[12:04:32 AM] Mark: 3 grams?
[12:04:45 AM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: no
[12:05:05 AM] Mark: What if we call the Elephant Ezekiel instead of Simon? Would that help?
[12:05:16 AM] Mark: Or Nwa?
[12:05:31 AM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: no
[12:05:41 AM] Mark: How about if we called it Nigerian Scam?
[12:05:53 AM] Mark: Would that help?
[12:06:14 AM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: it will be if we call it mark
[12:06:24 AM] Mark: Oh Good. Let's do that then!!
[12:06:43 AM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: ok, send the cash
[12:06:50 AM] Mark: The $5.83?
[12:06:54 AM] Mark: And the boiled lollies?
[12:07:06 AM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: yes
[12:07:36 AM] *** Mark sent 5 dollars 83.jpg ***
There ya go

[12:08:31 AM] Mark: This one is a picture of you:
[12:08:33 AM] *** Mark sent lollies.jpg ***
(this and subsequent pics were pictures designed to annoy him. You don't want to see them, trust me). 
[12:08:38 AM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: send to my email
[12:08:50 AM] Mark: You should look at this one
[12:08:53 AM] Mark: It's a photo of you
[12:09:04 AM] *** Mark sent nwa.jpg ***
[12:09:29 AM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: email
[12:09:42 AM] Mark: I haven't got email. Just skype.
[12:09:52 AM] Mark: And, sadly, no elephant called simon.
[12:09:56 AM] CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS: no
[12:10:32 AM] *** Mark sent nwa.jpg ***
[12:12:14 AM] *** Call to CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS, no answer. ***
[12:12:27 AM] *** Call to CARLOS LAW CHAMBERS, no answer. ***