Because every Nigerian Scammer needs more surrealism

Simon the Elephant

Rita/Mbutu/Jenny (current Dec 05)

Mugo & the Pink Flamingo (long)

One liners

Jelly & the light bulb


Wicked Wendy

Starts with a standard (personalised) email (I changed the name)

Dear xxxx,

May i introduce my self as  Miss Rita Kagame the daughter of the late Rwandan Civilian president and since the death of my father
our family has been facing a lot of problems mostly with the present civilian government.You may be aware that my elder Brother (William) is
presently in U. K. Currently he drew my attention to some funds under his care, total (TWENTY SIX MILLION US DOLLARS) being money which my
late father hidden under his underground tunnel in Kigali. He directed me on how to have access to the fund and I have succeeded in doing so
His instruction regarding to this funds was that I should try by every possible means to register this funds with security company and move it
to overseas for the future financial benefit and investment of our family since it is our only hope. hence am writing you to seek your
help to transfer this fund for safekeeping pending our arrival to your country.
I wait for your immediate response
Rita Kagame.

I decided to use the "I have mixed up my scammers and have already paid another scammer" trick. I figured the more hooked the person is, the sillier I can be.

Dear Mbutu,

I am concerned that I haven't heard from you about our proposed transaction for over a week now. I have wired the initial banking clearance fee ($600) to you via western union as per your instructions, and the agreement was that you would then forward the $35 million to the bank details are provided to you in order that I may help clear it, since it was stuck in your country after that tragic accident with your father.

However, I'm concerned my $600 hasn't reached you as you have been silent. Would you be able to confirm receipt of the money and proceed with the transfer as discussed?


American Institute for Invertebrate Studies

Watch how quickly Rita becomes Mbutu!


Please send to me the full Western Union payment informations for the banking clearance fee of ($600) so that we can start the immediate process of the release and transfer of your funds of $35 million to the bank details you provided in order that you may help clear the funds once transferred.


Mr Mbutu

Will he/she respond to jenny?

Dear Jenny,

Thank you for your interest. I was querying about the nature of the sympathetic relationship which we have introduced. While I tolerably understand that western union information (barring the extra slice and the number "59") is transparent for the purposes of this transaction, I would like to enquire about chronicles: do you prefer the 1st or 2nd? Would you like me to send the 1st chronicle, which we discussed, or the 2nd chronicle which I think will involve far more rotations?

Thank you for your kind words and willing participation. It wams the oysters of my heart to proceed profitably with the transfer of the $35 million.



Yes! But his (I'm assuming male) is so bad that it's almost like he's trying to out confuse me!

Dear J.Fish,

how are you doing this morning?. I have created an aveneu to actualize
this transaction.
Right now we are going to Use Diplomatc mean which mean making you the
reall owner of this said fund.

But it Need your present. Atlease you see things by your self and we
meet there too.
To sign other documents. which is ready and will brouth it there by the
chiel diplomat.
The consignment will be register as a precious metal for shipping to
London or Amsterdam. so you have to choose one of the country where you
like to be so we conclude this.

I will send you a gold card number which i use to register the
consignment as a royal consignment making it impossible for any one to
check it at any checking point.
But you have to call the diplomat incharge with this Gold card number
when he asked you your number , you just quote it for him.


And I reply....

Hello Mbutu.

How did you know it was morning? That was clever.

I'm glad for your aveneu, this is most hearty. It is good that you have my precious... my precioussss! Is the formidable scope of the built a come-together point for you, or shall we separate the floss from the untoward happiness?

I am still anxious to know if you received my $600 via Western Union to cover the bullion fees. After all, as the saying goes "a bird introspecting upon its friend beats the twin beaks at dawn". Don't you think that's so true?



December 2nd, 2005, waiting for a response...



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